DAY 14. IMPORTANT DISCOVERIES

Write about yourself and your important discoveries using the phrases below.

You can write several separate short pieces or one longer piece that contains them all.

Include the opening phrase in your writing.

 

I was shocked when I learned that not all mothers ________

I thought I was like everyone else, and then ____________

What a surprise it was to find out that other fathers ____________

I was so naive, I thought it was perfectly normal that __________

My world turned upside down the day that ________________

It was a relief to find out ________________________________

 

Examples

           

I was shocked when I learned that not all mothers drove their kids to school and picked them up every day. My mother did, and I thought that was the way of the world. Every morning even before I was old enough to attend school, she would get my two brothers and me into the huge gray Oldsmobile that was so old it was embarrassing to ride in let alone get behind the wheel of, and drive the mile or so out of our neighborhood and into the Polish one where St. Hedwig’s School was. She would make the trek again at 11:30 for lunch and back and again at 3:00 for the ride home at the end of the school day. As I write that now, I’m amazed at how much time she took out of her day to be a chauffeur. When I finally went to school, I noticed big yellow buses pulling up and kids in my class getting out every morning. Those same kids stayed in at lunchtime while I and a few lucky others left the building, walked to our waiting mom/drivers, and enjoyed an hour break to eat and listen to the radio or watch TV. Then at the end of the day, those same kids who arrived on the buses lined up to get on them. Those poor kids, I thought. Their moms don’t love them enough to drive them around!

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I thought I was like everyone else, and then I found out I lived on the bad side of town. It all came about as a result of attending elementary school in a different neighborhood because it was a Polish Catholic school and of going to a Catholic high school rather than the public one. First, I realized I was not like the kids on the street where I lived who went to the neighborhood public schools or the Catholic school just down the street. I guess I thought we were better for that. Then in high school, I realized most of the students and teachers considered where I lived to be a bad, dangerous neighborhood--the bad side of town. Not only was I not like everyone else. I was not like anyone else!

 

           

What a surprise it was to find out that other fathers did not drink a six-pack of beer on Friday nights. That was a very normal sight for me and my brothers. After working all week at a job he probably disliked, my dad would come home on Friday afternoon, workout by kicking a soccer ball around at Hetzel Field with us, wash up, and pop open a can of Schaefer to wash down his shot of Seagram’s Seven. He’d then sit in his recliner, watch TV, and finish off the six-pack, chasing a shot each time. At some point, maybe after the third or fourth round, he would start to verbalize his disgust with just about everything--his job, the world.  So, when I visited friends and met their fathers, if it was Friday night I expected the same routine. Thankfully I found out it was unique to my home.

 

           

I was so naive, I thought it was perfectly normal that friendship was a two-way street. One friend, that’s ex- of course, taught me that it was one-way. This reality hit me when I was over sixty, though maybe I knew it before then. But only in my ripe old age could I acknowledge it. She was twenty years younger than I and a workplace associate. I was a veteran teacher, she was new to it, and I mentored her unofficially. She asked me about teaching methods, texted me as she was grading papers to share some of what her students were writing, and reached out for help professionally. From that work relationship, we began to socialize and, I thought, develop a friendship. You be the judge. We talked for hours when we went out for drinks, gathered together with our husbands for dinners and concerts, sat around my pool in the summer, traveled to Las Vegas for a work/fun weekend, and shared our lives. Well, I shared my life. I invited her into my home, introduced her to family, and included an invitation to her for anything I was doing that she might enjoy. She invited my husband and me to dinner at her place once. After a few years and some stressful situations at work, we began to connect with each other less and less. The relationship was strained. I made some efforts to talk about it, and we had some serious discussions which I thought were helpful. At some point, though, outside forces worked on both of us. We had really drifted apart, and I thought something I had done offended her. So I reached out, via text because I don’t like talking on the phone, asking her for ten minutes so I could apologize. I thought we could talk things out and move on as better friends. She refused. Her response, “Talking would not be productive. We should remain cordial, though. No hard feelings here. You know I wish you well.” That was it for her. I stayed away for a few weeks. Since I was about to retire, I tried to tie up loose ends and make amends with a lot of people I had worked with, or at least say goodbye and thanks. I approached her and started to speak, but I lost it, got out a quick goodbye, and said, “But I know you don’t want to talk. It wouldn’t be productive. So I’ll just get out of here.” I walked away. She didn’t speak to me after that and did not attend my department’s luncheon celebrating my retirement. She did, however, come to the school’s retirement dinner celebrating all that year’s retirees, six of us. She approached my table. I did not want to hear from her. She started to say, “I just had to…” Something interrupted, whether it was someone saying hello to her or my turning away. She shifted attention to my husband and stood and talked with him for a few minutes, then left. I was seething and said aloud for those at the table to hear, “That’s the first effort she’s made to talk to me since…” My husband cut me off. “Stop it!” Embarrassed, I did. At a picnic at a teacher’s house on the final day of school, we were both together again. After an hour or two of sitting on opposite ends at a table, she got up, took a stroll, then sat in the chair right next to me. You might expect one of us to say something to the other. But we didn’t. We didn’t even acknowledge the other’s presence for an hour sitting side-by-side. I invited her, via text, to a picnic at my house, but she didn’t respond. I sent her a note of apology, but she didn’t respond. I sent her a Christmas card, but I didn’t get one. Finally, one evening as I sat having dinner with another friend at a local cafe, she came in. She said a generic hello, spoke about the evening event the two of them had to attend, jokingly asked me if I wanted to come back and work the event, then ordered her food, sat at another table and waited, then took her takeout order and left with a “Nice to see you.” I didn’t invite her to join us. Neither did my friend. Months later I sent her, through another friend, a box of Christmas candy and a Christmas card. She never responded. Lesson learned.

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My world turned upside down the day that __________

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It was a relief to find out that ____